Late Night Thoughts
It’s currently 11:19 PM in Colorado right now and I’m not tired, mostly because I slept a lot today since it’s Sunday and my day off, but also because I’ve got a lot of thoughts running through my mind recently. So, in an attempt to make myself tired here I am, jotting what I’m thinking about down on a word doc. I don’t know if posting this is actually a good idea, but it’s better to ask for forgiveness instead of asking for permission, so enjoy!
I’ve got two weeks left here in good ol’ Colorado Springs before I embark on my next chapter in life. Moving across the country to Maryland isn’t what I’m worried about though. The main thing that stresses me out, and this may be a blind thing, is not knowing where to go.
The thing is, I do know where to go, but I don’t have my paths down yet, and this is where the blind girl anxiety kicks in. Obviously not being able to see things is a big hinder on independence and the ability to freely walk around, so the easiest way for me to decrease that anxiety is by sticking to a certain path I can take that I know will bring me to the same destination each time I take it. For example, back in college the first two weeks of the semester for me were always the most stressful because my classes changed, and I had to find the buildings and classrooms each time from a different point on campus. The way that I was able to confidently get to class, the pool, dining hall, back to my residence each time is by walking the same path I had figured out in those first two weeks, and if I strayed off that path because of something it would throw me out of whack. I know I don’t seem like the type of person to have any pattern of organization in their life, but surprise! I do.
I’m very fortunate to be moving to a city where I have some familiarity already. I have friends in Baltimore which makes the move so much easier, and I cannot wait to be able to see my other friends who live on the east coast and in New England. I’ve lived so far away from them for so long and some I haven’t seen in 2+ years, so having the ability to see them again is beyond exciting. This is the first time in my life that I will be fully living on my own so hopefully I don’t get murdered.
Speaking of murder, you know what’s crazy? True crime. I love learning about crime in any capacity and, fun fact, after watching Criminal Minds I wanted to be an FBI agent. The main thing stopping that is being blind, but it was a fun idea while it lasted. However, best believe that I will be owning a gun one day, so don’t mess with me or else you’ll end up in your own true crime doc one day.
I’ve always been interested in psychology. I think it runs in my family. My brother is a psychiatric nurse and I’m always fascinated by the stories he tells. If I had the chance to go back to college, I would choose my major as psychology. Anyways, there’s this YouTube channel called JCS – Criminal Psychology that gives an in-depth analysis during interrogations between the police and criminals. They did one about Casey Anthony, you know her as the mom that deliberately killed her daughter but was found not guilty, and it was so interesting to watch because the mind of a human is truly remarkable. What’s the most fascinating to me is the ability for people to manipulate the entire world around them to gain what they need to for their crime. I mean if you really look at it, it’s genius. Genius in the evilest way possible. No empathy, no remorse, no conscious thought as to how these actions can affect the people around them. It’s incredibly baffling.
I do believe in the justice system. I believe that if evidence is presented and relevant, the jury will be able to form a correct decision for the perpetrator of the crime. I believe that all people accused of a crime are entitled to a fair trial, that’s the beauty of America, right? The thing with Casey Anthony, to me, is it seemed like there was ample evidence to find her guilty of the murder of her daughter. But she was found not guilty, and she walks the streets free today. In my opinion, it’s sickening, but I wasn’t directly involved. I know about the case through media. So my opinion means nothing.
I truly believe that some people in this world are evil. They were born evil and there is no amount of decision making that could change how their brain was formed. Sociopaths, psychopaths, narcists, a combination and any other diagnosis in relation clearly changes the way that person perceives the world around them. What can you do? All I do is pray. I pray that people have the goodness in their heart to not commit crimes, but obviously that’s well wishing. When that happens, I just pray the justice system does its job. That’s all anyone can do these days. Pray.
It’s now 12:17 in the morning. My towels that I decided to wash are now in the dryer, I’ve got Taylor Swift’s new album on repeat, and I have practice is 7 hours. Am I a little more tired? A little, but my head does feel clearer after scribbling down my silly little thoughts, so I guess I can consider that a win.
Goodnight.