Tokyo Reflections
Hi y’all, I’m Colleen Young. I’m a 3x Paralympian, 3x Paralympic medalist, and multiple record holder for Team USA. Last summer, I competed at my third Paralympic Games in Tokyo, winning silver in the 200m Individual Medley SM13 and bronze in the 100m Breaststroke SB13. The 4 months between my last race in Tokyo and finally touching a pool again were full of reflection and clarity, and I’ve finally found the headspace to be able to share my thoughts and feelings from last summer and looking forward through the rest of my swimming career.
On the surface, I had my best Games performance ever. Winning silver and bronze, setting personal best times, medaling in an event I had never medaled in internationally before… all accomplishments that I’m extremely proud of. From the outside looking in, it would be fair to assume that I’d be over the moon about my races, but during the 4 months I took off from swimming there I was, contemplating retirement and moving on with my life.
Vulnerability as an athlete is not something that is often talked about. When people watch the best athletes in the world compete, they see confidence, resilience, and determination. They see the physical aspect of sport, not the mental. People don’t hear the talks with coaches, teammates, or family, the nerves before the race, the heartbreak after a bad race, the shattered faith after not achieving a goal. All the things listed above are what I felt after my performance in Tokyo last summer, but nobody knew that. Until now.
I had big ambitions for myself last summer. Some goals were met, and some were not. For a while, the goals I didn’t achieve were the ones I put all my energy and focus into. I mean, a whole extra year of preparation, the sacrifices made, and I still can’t do this one thing that’s been set in my head for years? It’s heartbreaking. So, for the months I was home, I didn’t swim. I didn’t even want to look at a pool let alone start doing practices again. Instead, truthfully, I wallowed in self-pity, contemplating giving up on the dreams that still lingered deep down. I didn’t snap out of this state until one night, around 2 AM, I couldn’t sleep. So I did what any person would do, googled myself, trying to figure out if swimming was worth continuing. That’s when I stumbled on a video of my 200 IM final in 2012 at the London Paralympics. I saw 14-year-old me start and finish the race because I was too far behind for the camera to even catch me in the middle. From there, I found my 200 IM final from the 2016 Paralympic Games in Rio. I finished 5th, and this time I was able to see myself race. Then, for the first time, I watched my 200 IM final from Tokyo. Silver. It was watching my growth and improvement as a swimmer that snapped me out of the funk I was in, and suddenly I knew my journey with swimming wasn’t over yet. I still have so much more untapped potential in me and I can feel it sitting there waiting to be unleashed.
I’ve been representing the USA internationally since 2011, my first international trip when I was in 7th grade, and yet I feel like I have this new energy and sense of redemption in me that will carry me through to Paris 2024. I know I still have more racing in me, and I am truly blessed to be able to pursue my new goals with a sense of discovery and wonder.
